He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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