I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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