Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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