White coat. Heels.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
