I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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