If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
