So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
