my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
