I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
