we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
