who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
