Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
