atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
