I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I will pee on everything he values.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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