Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
