Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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