called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize