Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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