Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i will never coherently bang her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
