I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
