This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
