So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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