I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
