so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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