I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is it penis luge time yet?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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