My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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