i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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