I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Naked. naked and bneed help.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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