I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
