I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
