who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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