Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Enjoy the penises
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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