Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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