just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
