On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
