I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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