He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
