the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
