I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
