i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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