ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
