Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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