my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
