he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
