I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
