Three words: puerto rican gang bang
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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