were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
