and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
