I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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