Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
