hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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