DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
