i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
