I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
