1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
