im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
