sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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