She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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