Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
