i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
