we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
