Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
