woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize