whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize