I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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