That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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