New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
