Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
