I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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