What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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