What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
